Sorry to break it to you. But your wedding night? Yeah, might not be that big of a deal.

Shocking, right? There’s all this build up for the wedding night. We hear about women buying special wedding night lingerie. Bridesmaids are supposed to sneak up to the room and decorate with candles and rose petals. Groomsmen tease the groom about finally sealing the deal.

But turns out that real life doesn’t always match our expectations (or sex-pectations, in this case). Your wedding night might not be this huge romantic, intimate, sexual experience. And you know what? That’s totally okay. It’s actually really normal.

You’ve already sealed the deal

Most modern day couples getting married are not strangers to intimate bedroom relations. Most couples don’t wait until their wedding night to have sex for the very first time. In fact, most couples already live together and share a bed before their wedding night. That’s not to say that sex on your wedding night can’t be exciting or special, but for most couples it’s not a brand new experience.

You’re exhausted

You know how you’re going to feel when you get up to your hotel room after your wedding? Tired. You’re going to feel absolutely beat. You just spent an entire day playing host at the longest party of your life. You had to wake up at the crack of dawn to get ready. You had to pose for pictures all day. You had to smile and chat with relatives you haven’t seen in years. And you had to boogie on the dance floor right until the very end. Your wedding day might be one of the longest days of your life. You’ve had to be “on” all day long and interacting with so many different people. You might pass out before you even get to the bed.

There’s so much pressure

Remember all that build up for the wedding night? Yeah, all that does is add a ton of extra pressure. It’s weird to know that so many people are expecting you to have sex. You may have gotten some winks on your way up the elevator. Perhaps a groomsman slipped you a condom as a joke. And it turns out all of that pressure to make your wedding night extra special and intimate is actually not helpful at all. Pressure is never sexy.

You have other priorities

In the movies, the bride and groom can’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off once they get to their hotel room. But you might have something else in mind. Food, for example. Sadly, couples often don’t get to eat too much of their delicious catering because they’re so busy mingling. So instead of making out with your brand new spouse, you might be calling room service, diving into leftover wedding cake or sending him/her out to pick up a pizza.

You’re on a schedule

These days, the wedding doesn’t just end when the couple exits the ceremony. It doesn’t even end when the couple leaves the reception. Many weddings are full on weekend affairs. Instead of heading up to your room for some sexy time, you may be hosting an after party at a bar nearby. Or maybe you have to wake up early to host a post-wedding brunch. Or maybe you’re stuck cleaning up your venue because it has to be spotless in order for you to get your deposit back. Wedding night sex doesn’t always make the final schedule.

You have the rest of your life

Many couples panic if they don’t have sex on their wedding night. They wonder if they did something wrong. Let us be clear: Not having sex on your wedding night doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean you’ll never have sex now that you’re married. It doesn’t mean you love your partner any less. And it doesn’t even make you an anomaly, since many couples forgo the deed on their big night. It simply means you’re a normal human. You’ve got the rest of your life, and hopefully a very relaxing and romantic honeymoon, to have sex. Don’t worry.

written by Riana Ang-Canning