At Young Hip & Married, we care more about your life-long marriage than your one-day wedding. And one way we show that support is through our premarital counseling and coaching services. In addition to officiating your wedding, we want to provide you with the skills and resources you need for an awesome marriage!
Sadly, many couples think counseling and coaching isn’t for them when the reality is that every couple could benefit from relationship coaching! So below, we’re busting some myths and explaining what people get wrong about premarital counseling and coaching.
Myth #1: Relationship coaching is only for couples with problems
The biggest myth we want to bust is that relationship coaching is only for couples with serious problems. Nothing could be further from the truth!
In fact, the best time to engage in premarital coaching is actually when you’re doing great in your relationship. When you and your partner are committed to each other and your future together, you’re in a better space to talk through tough topics and build skills for when problems do arise.
On TV, couple’s counseling is always portrayed as something that couples go to on the brink of divorce or after years of cheating and drama. But that’s not what counseling and coaching look like in real life.
Jane Halton, one of our relationship coaches and officiants, explains, “Coaching is all about skill-building. We focus on topics like communication, conflict resolution, budgeting and your relationship with your in-laws. Coaches often assign homework so couples can practice their new skills between sessions.”
But what if you do have relationship problems? If you’re encountering problems in your relationship, counseling may be helpful. Seek out a trained counsellor or mental health practitioner who can advise you on next steps. They may suggest individual sessions, couples sessions or other valuable resources.
If you ever feel unsafe in your relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or https://www.thehotline.org/. Canadians can visit the Ending Violence Association of Canada.
Myth #2: Premarital counseling is only for religious people
Many couples assume that premarital counseling and coaching isn’t available to them because they’re not religious or don’t belong to a religious organization. But luckily, secular and nondenominational counseling exists!
Historically, the Catholic Church was the leader in premarital coaching with their well known Pre-Cana program. And many other religious organizations offered similar programs to prepare couples for marriage. So secular couples, or couples who didn’t want to follow a certain religion’s marital teachings, had nowhere to go.
But these days, premarital coaching without the religious spin (like ours!) is available, making coaching more accessible to more couples. Because you don’t have to be religious or belong to a religious organization to want to prepare for marriage and improve your relationship skills.
Myth #3: There’s no point in premarital counseling if we’re already married
Too many couples discover premarital coaching and counseling after their wedding day and assume, “Well, we’re already married. Guess it’s too late!” But that’s not true.
The “pre” in “premarital counseling” is actually a bit of a misnomer. You can do this kind of coaching and counseling anytime! All couples, regardless of their marital status or how long they’ve been together, can benefit from discussing their relationship and building important skills.
Of course, it’s great to start on a counseling or coaching journey as you approach a new stage of your relationship, such as cohabitation or marriage. Getting on the same page about things like finances and family before you get married is valuable. But if you missed out by a few months – or even a few years – it’s not too late. There’s never a bad time to buff up on your relationship skills!
Myth #4: We don’t need relationship counseling because we already live together
Just because you already share an address doesn’t mean premarital coaching isn’t for you. As Jane reminds us, “Relationship coaching is still important if you already live together. Even if you’ve lived together for years, you can find value in coaching.”
For many couples, moving in together and joining your lives may have been a result of convenience. Perhaps you moved in together because your lease was up or you manage household finances a certain way because that’s how your parents did it. Instead of having a thoughtful discussion and reaching a decision together, you just went with the flow.
Coaching allows you to dedicate time to the tough topics and discover how to use the strengths in your relationship while addressing your growth areas. Relationship coaches can help you build skills to prevent future friction while relationship counselors can help you navigate any previous speed bumps.
Myth #5: Coaching is too expensive for us
Yes, relationship coaching and counseling services do cost money and it’s a privilege to be able to access these services. But they may not be as expensive or inaccessible as you might think!
Many people assume that counseling will cost them thousands of dollars and require many long hours sitting on an uncomfortable couch. But you can get started with Young Hip & Married’s relationship coaching for just $147 (price current as of Nov 2022). Plus, sessions can be held virtually so you don’t even have to leave the house!
You can also add premarital coaching to your wedding gift registry. Instead of asking your guests to buy you a toaster or new towels, ask for them to support your relationship and help ensure your marriage is amazing for years to come. Talk about a loving and meaningful wedding gift!
At the end of the day, premarital counseling and coaching are some of the best ways you can invest in your marriage. These are skills that will set you up for relationship success for years to come. Many couples have no problem spending thousands of dollars on decor or outfits for their one-day wedding, but never consider a much cheaper investment into their life-long marriage.